Habits

I am forming a habit. Normally I don't have rituals, but I find that habits help me with extroverted activities like hanging out at a busy cafe for hours on Sunday afternoons after church, writing blogs and updating my facebook status. Which brings me to the subject of being around crowds. I don't like it. There is only one exception; if I can be around many people and not have to interact with anyone, then I'm happy. It would also help if this place was comfortable, aesthetically pleasing to my sense of sight, smell and feel. INFJs - well, at least this one - likes beautiful things. And if I can see beautiful people from different backgrounds interacting with each other, sending a politically correct message and appreciating art and poetry from all over the world, it adds to the experience exponentially. So maybe this experience is only semi-extroverted, but what can you expect from an INFJ?!


(Photo: Smithsonian Institution's Musuem of Natural History, Washington, DC) Elephants are like INFJs; they like to stick to their family groups (or the males have a solitary existence), they are fiercely protective and loyal to each other and are among the most intelligent mammals. Fun fact: the size of their brains and their trunks enhance their sense of hearing and smell. If I had one bionic sense, it would be my sense of smell. I can smell people and things and drugs that are supposed to be odorless.

Take the test!

To take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and test your personality type, you could pay $150 to take the official test at http://www.capt.org/take-mbti-assessment/mbti.htm or you could take one of the many free tests online with semi-reliable results. For your convenience, I took one of the tests http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp and got the same result. I'm still an INFJ! Enjoy!

The Recluse & Facebook

Last year I visited the Church of St. Simeon Stylites near Aleppo in Syria - the ruins of a 5th century monastery built around a reclusive monk who spent the last 37 years of his life on a small platform atop a column. (In the picture I took, a large boulder now stands on the base where the column once stood within the large arch). A calm surrounded the place - a quiet we city dwellers rarely encounter. And even when we do, we usually bring along an ipod or book to pass the time with. How cleansing it was to hear the wind, the rustling of leaves on olive trees on the valley below and nothing more. It was easy to clear my mind and appreciate the pull of this place and feel how he must have felt 15 centuries earlier. I had not felt that kind of peacefulness for many years.

But today's blog is about the hermit who famously forbade all women (including his mother) from coming near his column. I can appreciate his spirituality, but we INFJs can be a little too reclusive or introverted at times. I'm not sure if it's an effect of nature or nurture, but I am glad to be a moderate introvert. I am completely content around people for several hours as long as I'm not forced to have conversations with people I can't relate to, but I attribute that to growing up with several brothers and sisters.

I joined Facebook yesterday. Although I can go days without speaking to a single person, I can totally blog and express myself on social networking sites - usually with aliases - but with great satisfaction. I've heard INFJs are very literate people - writing especially being one creative medium of self expression. If only Facebook existed in the 5th century, St. Simeon too would have been able to spread his message of obedience to God, compassion and temperance without having to lower his rope ladder to receive the pitiful multitudes that flocked to him for guidance. Our world is increasingly facilitating a hermit-like existence for introverts - I challenge all INFJs to resist temptation to live your life via electronic media and develop that social skill called conversation.

It is a challenge I'm passing forward while still working on it myself. A colleague told me to stop expecting the hot guy at the gym to be the one to initiate a conversation and speak up. This is totally foreign to me. Aren't matches made in heaven? Is it not completely out of my control? So far the fear of rejection is completely debilitating, but at least the seed has been planted and maybe one day I will start the conversation. I'll keep you updated.

I leave you with this friendly public service message: be sure to put the oxygen mask over your own face first before helping others.

The Mystic

About living in that world of hidden meanings and possibilities.

Some have tried to define the INFJ's mystic qualities, that propensity to sense or see things others do not. A friend of mine was surprised to discover that I knew he had feelings for another mutual friend when he thought he did everything to seem unattached. When he asked me how I knew, I didn't know how to explain to him...is it anything more than a keen sense of observation? We tend to think so. Maybe all that time we spend alone with our thoughts and feelings gives us insight into human nature, and maybe because we're inclined to be more spiritual, that no-holds-barred empathy for others comes off as clairvoyant. Whatever it is, it is freakishly sharp.

So we look at people and imagine all the reasons they are doing what they are doing, why they're wearing what they chose, why they decided on running, instead of biking, instead of driving, instead of sitting, instead of laughing, instead of staying at home and before we know it, an entire afternoon has passed by in tangents and we've digressed ourselves from a more constructive day. When I was younger (and maybe still to this day) I had a hard time believing people can be evil - misguided yes, misunderstood yes - but evil on purpose I could not comprehend. I was naive to the extent I thought if only I could speak to the terrorists and warlords of the world, I should be able to make some sense of their world and fix it. The truth is, I still believe it.

I'm not sure if anyone's ever checked, but Michael Jackson must have been one of those rare male INFJs. In memory of the man who produced the music of my childhood and much of my adulthood and taught us to dream big, here are part of the lyrics to "Keep The Faith".

And When You Think Of Trust
Does It Lead You Home
To A Place That You Only Dream Of
When You're All Alone

And You Can Go By Feel
'Stead Of Circumstance
But The Power's In Believing
So Give Yourself A Chance

I Know That You Can
Sail Across The Water
Float Across The Sky, High
Any Road That You Take Will Get You There
If You Only Try

So Keep The Faith

Rest in Peace Michael...


PS. Maxwell's Pretty Wings have really helped me cope with that tough break-up. "If I can't have you, let love set you free to fly your pretty wings around".

About That Tree Falling in The Woods...

If you anticipate disappointment, does it follow that you won't be hurt when it does happen?
Just like that tree falling in the woods, pain happens whether you prepare for it or not. For the sensitive and feeling INFJ who is always trying to compartmentalize, organize, and otherwise control their life, predicting any possible future disappointment, it is frustrating to realize there is no shortcut to pain. Maybe this will resonate with some of you.

Once More

I'm alone once more
Depressed once more

Once more I'm reminded
Once more I'm derided

I hide once more
To heal once more

Once more the sun shows off its rays
Once more the night pain betrays

I recall once more
I make the call

Once more

Starting Over

"Sometimes love comes around and it knocks you down. Just get back up when it knocks you down" sang Keri Hilson in her popular single. I used to think it was a love song. But now it's just a song about pain, with seriously good advice. It's interesting how events in your life color the way you interpret everything . But for the INFJ, events like the break up of a three year relationship are more than just a passing disappointment. It means that I was unable to resolve an issue, failed to see signs, gave too little or too much. For the INFJ - who is supposed to be able to feel and read people - it is an enormous failure. So I withdraw within myself a little bit more, guarding that sacred self who is so delicate, so easily bruised.

To Those Whom I Have Tried To Love, Unsuccessfully

I don't believe in love,
I kept saying.
I don't believe in love.

Now there is no denying
Admiration, respect and trust,
No need to be creating
Love to confuse lust.

I don't believe in love,
Not the love for mom and sis.
No, that comes from above.

So just say what you mean
I admire, I respect, I trust.
But there's only one thing,

I love you.